Recently, I blogged about the top questions teens want to have answered about puberty, periods and products using questions the beinggirl.com women’s health experts answer most frequently. In this post, I will provide insight into what teen girls ask the beinggirl.com women’s health experts about in regards to relationships with girlfriends and boyfriends. I am hoping that if a teen reads this blog, she will know that she isn’t alone with the kinds of concerns and questions she may have about crushes, love and friendships. Also, these questions and answers will help provide parents with a better understanding into what their daughters think about.
For those of you without teen girls, I suggest you read this too. No doubt that the answers are relevant for us older girls who have girlfriends, boyfriends, crushes and unrequited loves. For the men, you can thank me for the insight.
How do I get my crush to like me?
Why not start by smiling and saying “hi”? This guy will probably be glad that you did! Ask him about something that he is interested in or mention something the two of you have in common. The conversation will probably go fine from there. If the two of you “click” you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable asking him to hang out sometime. There’s no reason a girl shouldn’t ask a guy to do that. You may just make his day. If nothing else, you (and he) may have a new friend.
What can I do to become less shy and try to make friends?
Actually, being shy can be a trait that some people like…it can make you a good listener! If you want to participate more in the conversations around you, then learn about the things that people are interested in and practice at home what you are ready to say and what questions you want to ask. It is also easier to learn to talk with people if you get involved in an activity that interests you so that you work together on common goals and interests, and you’ll have real things to talk about. Don’t expect the world to change when you take your first step in overcoming shyness. It takes time for others to get to know you and for you to know and feel comfortable with others. Be friendly no matter how others respond to you at first. Change will happen gradually. Be patient with yourself and others. You can do it!
All of my friend’s parents let them go places without an adult. How can I convince my parent’s to let me go to places with my friends and them not tag along?
First, take an honest look at your own behavior. Are you trustworthy? For example, do you do all of the things that you say you are going to? Do you do your homework without having to be told? Are you getting the best grades that you are capable of? Do you do the chores around the house that you are supposed to without having to be asked? Do you ever pick up extra responsibilities to help around the house? If the answer is no, then you may need to spend a good bit of time on these issues before asking for more freedoms. If the answer is truly yes, then sit down with your parents and try to discuss with them what is going on. Do this calmly and make your points clearly. List all the ways in which you feel you are responsible and exactly what new privileges you are looking for. Be specific about what it is that you want and also offer suggestions about where you are willing to compromise. This should help.
My crush likes my best friend, how do I get him to like me and not her?
Here are some facts about guys…
-If he isn’t asking you out, he isn’t into you. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship, or that he wants to take it slow, or that he’s intimidated by you. The plain truth is that he isn’t into you.
-He gave you his number and told you to call. If he wanted to talk to you he would have gotten your number and already called you!
-If he isn’t calling you, he isn’t into you. He doesn’t want you calling him if he isn’t calling you so put the phone down and don’t call him.
-If he likes you he will ask you out. If he doesn’t, then he doesn’t want you asking him out!
-If he likes you, he won’t forget it. He will call you, text you, or do what it takes to get in touch with you. Leave him alone and let him contact you.
-If he doesn’t do what he says he is going to do, then run because you don’t want to be in a relationship with him since he obviously doesn’t make you a priority.
-If he doesn’t want others to know he is your boyfriend, then end the relationship and find the guy that does want others to know he is YOUR boyfriend!
-If he says he doesn’t want a serious relationship, then he is really saying that he isn’t sure that you are the one so why waste anymore time. Go out and find the guy that is the one.
-Remember, he doesn’t need to be reminded that you are great. He will know that you are and treat you likewise.
-You deserve to be with someone that is nice to you all the time. You also need to be nice to him to.
I know, some of this is hard to hear but ALL of it is true. He likes your friend better. Stop making excuses for your crush, your boyfriend, and your ex. Take care of yourself. There is no female that deserves better than you so start acting like it today. Guys like self-confident girls and being able to walk away from a guy that doesn’t respect you will show guys just how confident you really are.
My best friend is awesome! We hang out with each other and stuff. But then she met this boy and now all of the time she talks to him or about him! Everywhere we go, she brings him along and I’d really want us to be just us again. How can I tell her that?
As you grow and change, your relationships will too. Not all friendships are going to last forever and some may not last long at all. Drifting apart from friends is hard, no matter who’s doing the drifting. So it’s normal to feel upset.
If your best friend pulls away, don’t chase after her. Just busy yourself. Now’s the time to think about your interests, and new activities. Try out for the school play, or join a school sport’s club. There are tons of things to do and tons of people to meet.
I can’t stop thinking about my best guy friend. I think I might be crushing on him, but I’m not sure. If I am, should I tell him? We have been friends since the 5th grade, and now we are going in to 8th. I don’t want to lose this friendship. He sometimes shows off in front of me. All of my friends say he likes me and we would be perfect together. At times I sometimes believe them, but other times I don’t. Should I ask him out?
Your crush is everything you want in a guy. He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s smart… and he’s your best friend! Aah! Add in that minor detail about him being your BFF, and you’ve either got a recipe for disaster or a match made in heaven—it’s a toss up.
It’s hard not to have a crush on your best friend. He’s obviously fun to be with—you wouldn’t hang out with him if he weren’t. Plus, you guys have the same interests and can be comfortable around each other. Before you run to his house, screaming your vow of undying love for him through the streets, you have to decide if this crush is for real and if you’re ready to put your friendship on the line.
If your friend is single, make sure this crush is the real thing before you profess your love. Why do you think you two can be more than friends? If it’s because you recently broke up with someone and he’s been there for you through the hard times, it’s probably not a good idea to make your move.
Maybe you think he’s been especially flirty with you lately. Flirtation is hard to gauge. You might think he’s super flirty because you’re looking for any kind of sign that he feels the same feelings for you as you do for him. You might be reading him all wrong, so be careful.
If you’re sure your feelings for him are real, go for it. Don’t tell him when you’re around other people. Tell him when you’re somewhere quiet with little distractions. Be honest, but don’t go on and on for hours about how you’ve been in love with him since the two of you were in diapers. That will scare him away. Just say, “I like you more than a friend and hope we can go out sometime. If you don’t feel the same for me, that’s OK. I’d like to remain friends with you.”
He might say no. You will be crushed and sad, but you’ll get over it eventually. If he says no, don’t ask him why. That’s like asking him to rip your heart into tiny little pieces after it’s already been broken. Be respectful and don’t badger him.
Remember, even just confessing your feelings to him may make your friendship really strange. He might not want to hang out with you as much as before. He might be distant for a little while. Your relationship could return to normal or it could change forever. That’s another thing you have to take into consideration.
If he says yes, good for you and good luck!
There is this girl at school who keeps spreading rumors about me and people are turning against me. What should I do?
Try hard not to protest too much. As unfair as that it may seem, that just reaffirms to the rumormongers that you are lying. Try to get through the day as if nothing were different. Getting revenge might feel good for a moment but will only result in getting you into trouble and making you look guilty. These responses are based on impulses, not careful thought. Think about what you want to say and try choosing how best to respond rather than just exploding with emotion. Confront the person calmly. Let them try to explain. If you don’t get satisfaction, a trip to the guidance counselor might be in order. You should also seriously consider telling your parents. Time will heal. The rumor about you will soon be replaced with the next hot story of the week. Importantly, your composure might cause that rumor to die an early death.
There is this guy who I have a huge crush on, I think we would be perfect together, but he’s dating my best friend. Should I tell him or not?
Put your relationship with your girl friend above all others. Going after the same guy isn’t a smart idea if you value the relationship with your friend in any way.
There is this boy at school who has a mega crush on me but I don’t feel the same way. How do I break it to him that I don’t like him?
Be honest. Coming right out and saying, “I like you as a friend” can prevent a lot of miscommunication and embarrassment. You might think it is easier for him if you lie and say you have a boyfriend, or give some other excuse. But eventually he might find out and be even more hurt.
Don’t start ignoring him. This won’t make his crush go away. Don’t return his stares with smiles and don’t start a conversation because these will only give him the wrong idea. If you are friends and he tells you how he feels, you two need to have a talk. If you want to be friends with him, make sure to tell him that too. Put yourself in his shoes. If you liked him and he wasn’t interested in you “that” way, you’d want him to tell you that instead of ignoring you or acting like a jerk.
Don’t lead him on. You might be flattered that someone likes you, even if you don’t like him back, but don’t lead him on so that you feel better about yourself. This can only lead to bad feelings and is unfair to him.
If you feel like he is starting to stalk you – that is, follow you around or calling you a lot when you have made it clear that you are not interested talk to your parents or to a school counselor about it. You shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable or unsafe because of someone else’s feelings toward you. Talking to a counselor can help you understand this and can help you figure out what actions will stop him from bothering you.
I have these two ‘friends’ who seem to do everything without me. They never ask me to join in. I don’t know what to do. PLEASE HELP!
Three is such a hard number for friendships- almost always, someone feels left out. The best thing to do when you are feeling like the one on the outside is to try to make more of an effort to be a part of things. Don’t try to play one friend against the other or you really will end up on the outside. Instead, invite both girls to do something with you. Do this well in advance, so that they won’t have already made other plans. This will help to make sure you are included. If they really seem to be hitting it off, please try to see it as a positive thing that is happening between them and not as something negative about you. Sometimes, for whatever reasons, two people just click. Also, try to expand your circle of friends. Don’t make all of your plans with these two or wait around for them. I am sure there are other girls who would be happy to get to know you better. If you can’t think of anyone right now, try joining some new activities to expand your circle of friends and keep you busy.