Yep. Hard hearted me handled the situation really badly. It started well, as we shared a 3-person row, on the plane, with the middle seat between us remaining empty. She was friendly and we developed an immediate bond by agreeing to not look anyone in the eye who was walking by, during the boarding, to avoid having anyone connect and then sit. We waited and then the plane door closed and we knew we had accomplished our goal of having an empty middle seat for the almost 4-hour flight. After such a harrowing experience, we bonded and began chatting.

As it turns out, and usually does, her story was more interesting than mine. I was leaving my grandchildren and flying home to my husband. While I miss the children so much when we are apart, our relationship is, without a doubt, a forever one. The only sadness is that I won’t see them for about 6 weeks. However, the upside was that I was returning home to my wonderful husband who I was looking forward to seeing. Romantic, but sort of dull!

Now about my new seat friend: She has been dating a man from California for about 2 years and was not happy that the relationship hasn’t progressed. They meet in Las Vegas about every few months. It is much closer for him then coming to the East coast to see her. She seemed sad and said that he has never made the effort to come to her home. Along with that, she said that the relationship didn’t offer as strong as a connection as she would really like to have. She offered that for the Christmas holidays she always goes to a warm climate with her girl friends (thank goodness for girl friends!!). They leave on Christmas or right before, staying through New Year’s Eve.

This is where my tough love, tear inducing self enters: I ask her how she met the guy and she says online, which I truly believe can be a great way to meet someone. Then I ask why she doesn’t date someone closer to home, if this isn’t working for her, and that’s when her sadness begins to explode. She hasn’t been able to meet someone that she is attracted to and wants to date. The men associated with her job are married and, thank goodness, she said that she doesn’t want that at all. Then I say: Why not get back online and look for someone else if this guy isn’t giving you what you want! I told her that I am not Dr. Phil, but I could see that she is unhappy even talking about this. Then she began crying. OY! I felt so badly for her and then felt totally uncomfortable about not being able to say the right thing. As you can imagine, I tried though. I told her that she seemed like a lovely person and deserved better than to not have what she wanted in love. It was my attempt to validate her, even though I didn’t really know her life history. Then, I told her (and probably shouldn’t have) about an ill-fated long distance romance that I had before meeting my husband. I thought it would give her hope for the future – wrong!!! It was very sad and she cried more. She told me that the guy isn’t financially stable and she works hard to save money for retirement. As she was talking, she was hearing herself and became even sadder.

Now for the hard hearted part: She was looking out of the window, so I pulled out my iPad and began watching a movie I had downloaded for the trip. Even though I was enjoying the distraction of the movie, I still kept a semi-watchful eye out should she want to talk more. She fell asleep and I was glad, yet hopeful that meant some peace for her. Also, I wasn’t sure I wanted to say more to someone I really couldn’t do much for. I am always about the fix-up, but didn’t have anyone I could match with her. In a way, I was emotionally done with the discussion too.

After returning home, I wanted to learn more about long distance romances so the next time this comes up, I could offer advice that would be helpful rather than blab on in a way that makes things worse. I found a beinggirl.com article about long distance relationships that would have been useful, even for us grown-up girls. The reason I liked the article is that it offered advice in a context that would allow someone to assess and move his or her relationship to a more satisfying place. Here are the topics covered in the article:

Be realistic about your feelings for him and vice versa.
How strong is your connection? 
Is your long-distance relationship fact or fantasy? 
Facing the challenge, anticipating the obstacles.
The pain of saying goodbye.
The importance of seeing each other as often as possible.
Make sure you’re clear on the terms of your relationship.
Finally, make sure you don’t start living the life of a hermit when he’s not around.

http://www.beinggirl.com/article/long-distance-relationship-advice/?utm_source=wordpress&utm_medium=NursePlummer&utm_content=link20111104&utm_campaign=comm_mgr

If you know someone in a long distance relationships who talks about it a lot, and not in a good way, you may want to forward the article, as I believe it might help her take another look at what she is experiencing. It might also give you a better way to discuss this with her.

To all who love in a long distance way, hope it ends happily!!

I was recently reminded of a great online resource for women and girls, about menstrual health, called Rachel’s Well. The organization, a nonprofit 501 C3, was developed around the core knowledge that “menstruation is a unique indicator of a woman’s overall emotional and physical health”. Its mission is to improve women’s health care by focusing its efforts in the area of menstrual health and ovarian insufficiency. The Rachel’s Well board includes a multi-disciplined group of physicians, clinicians and researchers who receives funding from the National Institute of Health (NIH) for projects to support education and the study of Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI).

The reason I am blogging about this now is that I read recently that periods don’t have any function, since we don’t get pregnant and give birth every year. My perspective is that discounting the importance of periods to our overall health is a very naive way of looking at our physiology. (Whenever I begin talking about an anatomy and physiology topic, like what are the ovaries and why are they important, I feel like I should be dressed in my nursing uniform, have a pointer in my hand and be standing next to a plastic model of a uterus with ovaries and vagina attached. Picture me that way please.)

What are the ovaries? A simple definition from the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) is that the ovaries are two small glands, located on either side of the uterus, that contain the eggs produced at ovulation as well as produce the female hormones, estrogen and progesterone.

Why are the ovaries important to our overall health? Since estrogen and progesterone control the development of female body characteristics, such as the breasts, body shape, and body hair and because the ovaries also regulate the menstrual cycle and pregnancy, the ovaries are important to our health and wellbeing.

How does my period relate to my health and indicate the health of my ovaries? According to Paula Hillard, M.D., Professor of Obstetrics & Gynecology at Stanford University, “It can indicate the status of emotional health, hormonal health, bone health, ovarian health, as well as long-term fertility. Therefore, in the absence of hormonal contraception, if a woman is not having her period, it may be the first sign that something else could be going on.”

Also from the Rachel’s Well site: “There are long- and short-term health effects of irregular or interrupted periods (amenorrhea). The clear message of Rachel’s Well is the importance of the relationship between women and their menstrual cycles. Regular and effective health screenings and an open dialogue between women and their health care providers are critical to their overall health. If a woman’s menstrual cycle is not functioning normally, this should be considered a reason for a specific evaluation by a health care provider.”

One reason, outside of the use of birth control pills, for having an irregular period, or not having one at all is Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI). Below is a link to the Rachel’s well site content about POI.

http://www.rachelswell.org/

Also on the site, are statistics (POI is more common than you might think) as well as content that address myths or misperceptions that some women may have when their periods halt before the age of 45. For example, she may think she is in early menopause, but that is probably incorrect, as she may actually have POI.

What are some symptoms of POI? Some symptoms that may occur are: missed or irregular periods, hot flashes/night sweats, inability to concentrate, loss of memory, insomnia, depression, loss of energy, irritability/mood swings, sexual dysfunction, vaginal dryness, infertility. Note that the symptoms are very close to what we have come to expect from menopause. Point here is that menopause usually happens between the ages of 45 to 60 years.

What do I do with this information? Clearly, if you are younger than 45 years old and your periods have stopped for no apparent reason, schedule an appointment with your health care provider to discuss your symptoms and concerns. This is important; because a delay in diagnosis and treatment can lead to health problems, such as low bone density, sleep difficulties and emotional issues. The good news is that there are treatment options that can help.

Most of us lead very busy lives and want to be at our optimum to do the things we need to as well as select to do. I strongly believe that we should all work to be at the best health possible. Part of that is taking action, when needed, to make that happen. Hope that all reading this will do that and find the answers they deserve.

Don’t you just hate when someone taunts you with that phrase. I do! While I am the kind of person who loves surprises, if I know that one is coming, I will go to all kind of lengths to find out what the surprise is all about. While there are good and fun secrets, such as those that are necessary for planning for anniversary or birthday surprises or unanticipated friend visits, there are secrets that can be painful or hurtful if not kept private.

The Mirriam-Webster official definition of a secret that is most appropriate to this is: kept from knowledge or view (hidden). Let me begin with my ending statement about secrets and that is: Some secrets need to stay that way forever out of respect to the person asking that it be kept and other secrets need to be shared no matter the reason for asking that it not be shared.

Why I am I now blogging about secrets?? There are two reasons, actually. The first is because a friend recently told me something very private about her health. She and I talk on occasion about her issue. To be clear, I am not her NURSE friend, but a very close friend who is also a nurse. I had not told a soul what she confided, as I respect her reason for not sharing her private stuff. Recently I had several couples over for dinner and she shared about her illness with another woman present. She was at first surprised that the other friend of mine wasn’t aware of what she had gone through. I told her that what she was experiencing was only hers to share.

To anyone who knows me personally, I AM A SECRET KEEPER…now and forever!! You can confide in me. Have you ever heard of the Yiddish word YENTA? If so, you know it means someone who tells all to all. A major repercussion of sharing a confidence is that you destroy the trust between yourself and the person who confided to you. You can try all you want and you may never get that trust back. What a loss. You may also get a reputation as some who is a YENTA. I can assure you that being called a YENTA, or gossipmonger, is not a pretty way to be described.

There is a featured article on beinggirl.com about secrets.

http://www.beinggirl.com/article/keeping-a-secret/?utm_source=wordpress&utm_medium=NursePlummer&utm_content=link20111011&utm_campaign=comm_mgr

It includes a paragraph on how to keep a secret, as well as a description of the difference between a good and bad secret. In the article, it states that: “A bad secret might concern a friend or family member who is in trouble and risking her health and safety. Whether it’s drug-related or bad-crowd-related, those secrets that make anyone feel scared, uncomfortable, sad, or angry should be shared.” I will add that it should be shared with someone who can help ensure that the person gets the support that they may desperately need.

There is an interesting statistic in the beinggirl.com article:
“A recent study of 3000 women in England found that four in ten women had trouble keeping a secret, no matter how personal or confidential the news was. And two-thirds ended up feeling guilty after spilling the beans.”

Let me tell you about my guilt inducing behavior: One time, a group of my “girl” friends and I were sitting around drinking some vino and complaining about work stuff and people. I listened and then added a comment about something someone at work had said about someone else. One of my friends personalized it, even though it wasn’t about her. Whew, did I kick myself in the butt for telling the group what I should not have. I mention the wine because it may have loosened my tongue. But, I tell you all from the bottom of my heart, I am personally responsible for causing an additional rift in an already fragile relationship. I felt terrible about that for the longest time, and still do. Now though, you would have to stick pins in my fingernails to get me to share something that was said in confidence. I learned a painful lesson. It seems that we are never too old and crotchety to learn life’s lessons, as I continually do for sure!

Hate that I may be sounding preachy, but wanted to talk about secrets and the difference between good and bad secrets, as well as secrets that should be shared and those that should never come out of our mouths. What l I hope readers take away from this post is that we all should think very carefully before we blurt out what we shouldn’t and consider sharing what we should, no matter how difficult, when it can help someone.

P.S. While you can feel free to share, as this post is not secret, I hope none of the “girls” reads this and remembers what I said that was so upsetting and STUPID! If you do, forgive me please, as it won’t happen again!

I have posted several blogs about a vacation we recently took to France and Spain. In one of the posts, I mentioned a romantic story that I would tell later. Now is later so here is the story:

My mother-in-law, Carol was born in 1916 to a middle-class family who had property and a small farm in Minnesota. Her family valued education and encouraged her to attend college after high school. She graduated from the University of Minnesota, with a degree in education in the late 1930s. Think about the time and how rare it was for women to attend college. But Carol was feisty and that is what she did despite some of the biases women had to deal with, at that time, when they didn’t marry right out of high school.

Carol is a petite woman, and has been her whole life. She is still attractive despite her age of 95. Her eyes are always sparkling and she has a self-confident air about her. She absolutely loves kids and still remains emotionally watchful of her 4 children, 10 grandchildren and 13 great grandchildren. That she truly enjoys kids is evident in how she treated my 3 grandchildren when I took them to visit her in August.

Considering how much energy my 5-year old twin granddaughters and 3-year grandson can have, especially after having been cooped up in the car for 90 minutes they were totally well-behaved and gentle with Carol. While they came bounding into Carol’s room to greet her with hugs, they were not forceful and sensed her fragility. After that, they began exploring all of her knick-knacks with the joy of being given permission by her to touch and carry. They would bring items up to her and she, who can’t hear very well, has a somewhat failing memory and doesn’t always feel in very good health, smiled patiently and told them little stories about each item. She truly engaged their short attention spans in a sweet and fun way.

Now the love story: Carol had a high school love, Bud, who graduated college around the same time as she did. They dated for several years after that. He became a 2nd Lieutenant in the army and she began teaching school. They did together the kinds of things young lovers do at that time, such as go to dances, enjoy friends, picnic, cheer their home team at sporting events and celebrate holidays. Hanging over their heads constantly, was the possibility that Bud would have to ship out to Europe. As time went on, Bud was called on to be part of the U.S. forces in Germany and France. Before he left for his overseas mission, Bud and Carol got married. They had a short time together as husband and wife before he had to depart. Bud went willingly and with pride that he would be able to fight for what our country believed. Bud’s parents loved Carol and took her under their wing as they awaited news from Bud.

As you might have guessed, Bud didn’t make it home. Three months after their marriage, Carol learned that Bud was killed, as the allies made their way through Europe. He was buried in France. Sadly, while Carol was given Bud’s personal items, she never saw his gravesite – not even a photo.

No doubt Carol mourned her first love greatly. However, she didn’t sit around feeling sorry for herself. She began volunteering, as a first aide assistant, working with wounded soldiers who returned home after suffering some type of serious injury. While doing that, she met a sweetheart of a man, my husband’s father, Len. While she was helping to care for his injuries, he began to care for her too. His injuries began to heal, as did her heart. Some time after, they married and had four wonderful children.

Unfortunately, Len died at the age of 72 and I didn’t meet my husband, Allan, until many years after. Therefore, I never had the pleasure of knowing his father. While Len was obviously Carol’s love, she never forgot Bud. Len, being the loving secure man that he was, agreed to name his youngest son after Bud. After all, if Bud hadn’t given his life for our country, he would never have been able to marry the love of his life. A bittersweet thought, to say the least!

My husband Allan has always had an interest in military history. He began questioning his mother more about Bud and his service, including when and where his death occurred. Carol is in kidney failure. She is getting weaker and her cognitive functioning is deteriorating, but she remembers Bud and still tears up when thinking about him. She expressed her profound sadness about not seeing where he is buried. Allan thought it might be meaningful for Carol to at least see a photo of his gravesite. After doing research, Allan learned that Bud is buried at the Lorraine American cemetery in Saint-Avold, France.

Of course, our first stop, after landing in Frankfurt, Germany, was the Lorraine American Cemetery and Memorial in Saint-Avold France. The Cemetery is pristinely maintained by the U.S. Government and looks like a miniature Arlington National Cemetery. The official information states that: “the Cemetery covers 113.5 acres and contains the largest number of graves of our military dead of World War II in Europe, a total of 10,489. Their headstones are arranged in nine plots in a generally elliptical design extending over the beautiful rolling terrain of eastern Lorraine and culminating in a prominent overlook feature. Most of the dead here were killed while driving the German forces from the fortress city of Metz toward the Siegfried Line and the Rhine River. Initially, there were over 16,000 Americans interred in the St. Avold region, mostly from the U.S. Seventh Army’s Infantry and Armored Divisions and its Cavalry Groups. Saint-Avold served as a vital communications center for the vast network of enemy defenses guarding the western border of the Third Reich.”

We arrived at around 4:30 P.M. on a dark and misty day and were the only visitors to the Cemetery at that time. The military officer who manages the Cemetery greeted us and used his computer to locate Bud’s grave. Allan and I walked sadly to Bud’s grave in the light rain. While neither of us knew him personally, we were grief-stricken to see the rows and rows of Crosses and Stars of David’s that rolled across the grounds, as well as Bud’s grave. Here at his grave, this young man so loved by Allan’s mother came to life for me.

The officer, showing us the grave, used sand from the beaches of Normandy to highlight the words on Bud’s cross so they would be visible for photos. He also placed an American Flag in the ground in front of the cross for us to take back to Carol. It so happened that when we arrived at Bud’s grave, it was time for the flag lowering and for taps to play over the loud speaker. My usually stoic Allan began crying and I started and then we were both hugging each other and sobbing for the losses of life due to war and for Carol’s heartache. Then Allan, still sniffling, said that if Bud hadn’t died he might not have been born. Who knows, but for some reason that made me again think that everything happens for a reason. We stopped crying.

Allan just returned home after showing his mother the photo of the grave and the packet of information that we were given while at the Lorraine Cemetery that was specific to Bud. No doubt she will treasure that along with her memories of Bud and Len.

Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if our energies were all directed to peaceful enterprises rather than wars that need to be fought. Perhaps, some day!

I have been writing about vacations and fun, but want to address a far more serious and important topic, domestic violence.

According to Women Helping Women of Hamilton County*, domestic violence is the use of physical, sexual, threatening or emotional force to frighten, intimidate and control an intimate partner. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior that occurs over time. This abuse often escalates and may become worse with time.

Abusive partners use combinations of behavior to control a survivor. Even if you have never experienced physical harm by a partner, but are afraid and controlled by your partner’s actions (shouting, throwing things or threats), you are being abused.

This type of violence can occur among heterosexual or same-sex couples and does not require sexual intimacy.

Are you aware that:
1 in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
1.3 million women are survivors of domestic violence each year.
85% of domestic violence survivors are women.
Sexual assault or forced sex occurs in approximately 40-45% of abusive relationships.

Those are really harsh statistics. Because of the frequency of its occurrence, you may know someone who is currently in an abusive relationship, or it may be you. If so and you want to know more about abusive relationships, visit Beinggirl.com. The site has a series of articles about abuse that will be helpful no matter what your age. Having information will help you or someone you care about either escape or avoid that type of very unhealthy relationship.

http://www.beinggirl.com/search/?searchterm=abusive+relationships&page=1

Important to know in all of this is that it is not YOUR FAULT
Below is some further information from the Women Helping Women website that I found incredibly helpful in educating about domestic violence:

“Abused” describes what has happened to you – not who you are. This term tends to imply that someone in an abusive relationship is a victim, weak or helpless. The truth is that many people in abusive relationships have great inner strength and are often there for others, including children. No matter what a controlling or abusive partner tells you (“If you had done this right, I would not have hurt you”), being abused is not your fault- the abuser is responsible. Partner violence is not acceptable and it is not something you have to deal with alone. Whether you have limited finances, no family or friends to whom you can turn to for help, are afraid for your safety or simply think you could never make it “on your own,” there are agencies in your community who can help you.”

If you don’t know who those agencies are or where close help is, you can visit the website of the National Domestic Violence Hotline to get assistance in identifying an agency in your community: http://www.thehotline.org/ They also have a toll-free phone number should your computer be monitored: 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

If you are not certain about your relationship and want to know more, Women Helping Women has a Domestic Violence quiz for you to take. If you answer yes to more then one answer, you may be in an abusive relationship.
http://www.womenhelpingwomen.org/home/quizzes/domestic-violence-quiz/

I was a past president of the Board and a board member of Women Helping Women for 12 years and still have a strong commitment to that cause. Optimistically, we always hope that there will not be a need for organizations like Women Helping Women. Until then, thank goodness for organizations like Women Helping Women and sites like beinggirl.com, where there is key information and support for those who may need it.

*Women Helping Women serves Southwestern Ohio as a unique provider of crisis intervention and support services for direct and indirect survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and stalking and takes a leading role in educating the community to promote awareness and help prevent these types of abuse. http://www.womenhelpingwomen.org/

This is segment 3 of the, my husband and I traveled for 18 days through France and Spain, story. Specifically, we flew into Frankfurt, rented a car at the airport and drove to Saint-Avold, France to visit the American Cemetery. There is a very romantic WWII story associated with that stop, which I will go into in another post. After an overnight there, we drove onto Normandy for the weekend. In fact, we were in Normandy on 9/11, which other than NYC, seemed like a great place to be on that day. Both were sites of tragic deaths of heroes who died saving others – very humbling indeed!

After that, we drove to Mont Saint Michel, then down the West Coast of France to the Bordeaux region and the town of St. Emilion. Following an evening of fabulous wine drinking and the very best smoked salmon pizza I ever ate (actually it was the only one I ever ate and I want more!), we went the next day to San Sebastian, Spain where we spent a few days eating pintxos and drinking Rioja wines like it was our job to eat as many different kinds of pintxos, as there were available. Pintxos are the “Basque equivalent to tapas, served in Northern Spain”. The car was returned and we took a train to Madrid to spend a few nights and then took another train to Southern Spain to stay in the Andalucía area for a week.

While in Madrid, we ate our first pan of paella and shared our first pitcher of Sangria while sitting at an outdoor table observing the people strolling by us. It turned out to be the best paella of the trip because it was well-seasoned with enough spices, garlic and salt to make it more flavorful then some of the more bland renditions I have eaten. Importantly, it was packed with seafood. Also, the Sangria was refreshing and full of fruit. In fact, I joke that the only fruits I ate were from the bottom of the Sangria pitchers we drank.

OK, I just rambled through our itinerary without any of the dramatic description that it truly deserves because in this post, I really want to talk about traveling and vacationing in general, not the sites or the food we experienced. If one isn’t traveling well, I believe that they can’t relax enough to enjoy the local cuisine or the attractions. To help with that, I found an excellent article on beinggirl.com, titled Teenage Travel, which provides excellent tips that are beneficial no matter what the age of the traveler. The link is below.

http://www.beinggirl.com/article/teenagers-vacation/

There are so many aspects of the article that are more than helpful, they can be vacation saving. For example, there is a paragraph that offers advise on being a smart packer. It states that fumbling with your luggage can make you a target for pickpockets. VERY TRUE! My experience has been that pickpocketing in Europe has become an art form. Along with the advise given, I will add that you should watch out for diversions, such as street fights, kids running in packs, or someone doing something crazy that you just have to see. In that split second, a wallet can be lifted or a purse taken. I have seen it, been with friends who had that happen and had a wallet lifted from my cross-body handbag after someone pushed me on a subway in Paris.

On this trip, we made a pact (or at least I did since I am the key violator of packing far more than I wear because I like choices) to only pack one medium suitcase each and one small carryon. We knew that we had laundry facilities at our lodging in Southern Spain so we could wash our clothes there. Before that, we hand washed clothes, if needed. Even though we had a car for a lot of the trip, those two train rides meant we were in train stations. I must say though, security at the Madrid train station was almost as rigid as at an airport. That was actually reassuring.

Take a read of the article on beinggirl.com and let me know if you have any added tips to help make someone else’s travel more pleasant.

Since I am about the food, below is a photo of a half-eaten plate of fried sardines from San Sebastian. I ate the rest after the photo because they were fresh and delicious!!

My husband and I went to Europe for 18 days and returned home late on Saturday, September 24. After being gone so long in a time zone that was 6 hours different from where we live in North Carolina, I am finally getting my being back into some sort of equilibrium. Even with the sluggishness and the angst that I have tons to do now that I am home, I would go again. I love to travel, especially when it involves visiting places that I have always wanted to see. Even with the ability of the Internet to allow us to view locales just about anywhere in the world, it just isn’t the same as being there.

On this trip we traveled from Normandy, France to Southern Spain and also spent a day in Tangier, Morocco. While there, we ate wonderful foods, drank fabulous wines, saw sites we planned on visiting and some that I didn’t even know existed. All in all, we had a wonderful time. Having said that, people keep asking me to name my favorite place. Despite the fact that my first post-vacation blog post was about European Potties, my favorite places were just about everywhere except bathrooms. However, I would change the question to ask what place was our biggest surprise – and that was the Moroccan city of Tangier.

Thanks to our excellent guide Yoseph, we spent a day in Tangier and toured just about the whole city, from the beaches on the Mediterranean to the Atlantic shores and the Rif Mountains that surround the city. Not surprisingly, the waters of the Atlantic were rougher and cloudier than the clearer and very blue Mediterranean, which was the only demarcation of waters that flowed into each other with no divider.

To get to Morocco from Southern Spain, you take a ferry from the Spanish city of Tariff and go across the Strait of Gibraltar, which takes about 45 minutes of actual travel time. From what I understand (and this happened for us both coming and going), the trip can expand to almost 2 hours with delays. After visiting, the only impression I had of Tangier before was all WRONG!  It is a very progressive and culturally diverse city that seems to welcome everyone, as they have for thousands of years, whether they are Christian, Moslem or Jewish. 

We went to the beautiful seaside, I rode a camel on the beach (though not really willingly), went to fruit & vegetable markets, meat and fish markets and visited a beautiful old Synagogue in the heart of the Jewish section of the city.  I almost cried to know that there is such an acceptance of my people in an Arab country.  Wish everywhere could be like that. 

Our lunch in Tangier was fresh and delicious. We started with a bowl of olives and a salad of fresh tomatoes and onions in olive oil and vinegar. Then we ate: grilled lamb kabobs, couscous with chicken, and a Moroccan lamb stew with prunes and chickpeas that was seasoned with saffron, cumin and garlic. When ordering, we just told the waiter to bring his best offerings. YUMMM! I washed it all down with a locally made crisp and light white wine. Another positive about Morocco is that they have vineyards and produce delicious wines! I was a bit frightened after the fact that I might get some sort of traveler’s issue due to a more sensitive constitution than my husband, but all was good!! 

Another point that just popped into my head is that the King of Morocco’s chief advisor is Jewish.  Also, women and men, regardless of religion or culture, serve equally in all occupations as well as in the government.  Gotta love a place like that.

You know you really liked a place when you want to go back – and I do!! Next time Marrakesh and Casablanca, but not for a while!

My husband and I just returned from a fantastic European vacation where we traveled to France and Spain mostly. We also crossed the strait of Gibraltar in a ferry and spent a day in Morocco. I didn’t blog about my trip while traveling due to concerns about security at home. It is crazy that there are people who go to public sites for the sole purpose of determining who’s away from home so they can rob their house. I have read online security tips advising not to do that, using, as an example, some poor family who posted publically while they were on vacation. They came home and found that someone ransacked their house while they were riding the waves in some remote location. In any case, I have a lot I want to share, now that I am back, and will begin with public washrooms.

The reason I am starting with the topic of public potties, rather then going on about the delicious food we ate, fabulous wine we drank (a glass of wine costs about as much as a cup of coffee in many places), and sites we saw is because I have a thing about cleanliness and hand washing. We all know that hand washing can prevent the spread of diseases, important to do all the time, but even more so when away from home and as we enter flu season. If we all supposedly know we should wash our hands after going to the bathroom, then why doesn’t everyone do that?? I have witnessed women bolting the bathroom without washing their hands. There is no excuse. Instead of being NurseElaine in a starched white uniform and going on about germs, disease and prevention, I thought I would talk about the public bathrooms in Europe and what I liked about them. Believe me, there is no way I would talk about the U.S. public restrooms as I find most of them gross.

1) Always Found Soap: Yep, in the vast majority of bathrooms I used there was soap. And, if you have read my posts on incontinence and also read what I have written about urinary tract infections, you would know that I have visit many, many public restrooms while traveling. In fact, I would argue that I visited many, many different bathrooms in a day sometimes. On our recent vacation, I can’t remember not using a bathroom that didn’t have a soap dispenser of some kind. This includes toilets at different landmarks, airports, train stations, auto rest stops, restaurants and small bars located in alleys. Soap is present and where there is soap there is the potential for good personal hygiene after using the toilet.

2) Most restrooms were clean: Love the fact that while some of the toilets I visited had really old fixtures, lighting that looked like it was from the 1930s, and tile floors and walls that were original to very old buildings, they were clean. I don’t know if it is a pride thing or just a better understanding of the importance of cleanliness when you are providing services to tourists, but I was happy to see that. In fact, I would argue that I see more yucky potties in the U.S. then I’ve ever found abroad. For example, I was talking to my next-door neighbor’s mother yesterday who mentioned that she had also been to Morocco. She told me that a restroom she used, when traveling there many years ago, was spotless. The only thing that was disturbing to her was the man who continued to mop between the toilets even while women were using them. Then, he expected a tip. She gave him one!

Years ago while in Hamburg, Germany, I went into a public restroom at the train station and backed out hurriedly because there was a tall man in a butchers coat in there. Checked the sign on the door again and, sure enough, it was the ladies room. He was there to keep the room clean and he did. It was spotless and I gladly tipped him. Now there is a jobs program that could be implemented in the U.S. I’d be happy to designate my tax dollars to ensuring clean public restrooms and filled soap dispensers. Could reduce infections and save insurance providers billions of dollars. I am kidding – sort of!!

3) Very few paper towels for hand wiping after washing: Don’t know if that is a cost savings thing or not wanting to waste paper, but I didn’t like that. Often there were hand dryers, but many didn’t work. In any case, I sometimes just air dried my hands by waving them while walking or wiped excess water on my pants. Oh well, at least I washed with soap.

4) Mostly found toilet paper: Important to always carry your own pack of tissues or wipes, because you never know if there will or won’t be paper. One thing I liked is that when there wasn’t, the woman before me would mention it and offer me paper. That happened more than once. Wish we could all cooperate on more complex things too, but I appreciated the kindness of the warning.

5) Didn’t see many tampon or pad vending machines: The only place I saw vending machines were in airport or train station bathrooms. So, be prepared and take product with you if you even remotely think you will need it. Recently in the U.S. in Pinehurst, North Carolina, where you find many very exclusive golf clubs, I visited the Pinehurst Country Club that houses Course No. 2. I am not a golfer, nor do I belong to that club but it is supposed to be a really big deal if you play golf there. We had friends visiting that wanted to go to Pinehurst. Of course while there I had to use the bathroom. Along with cloth wipes the Club had complimentary Tampax sitting in cute little baskets. That doesn’t happen often, so again, take some if you think you may need it.

6) No buggies on the walls: OK, that is me with my bug phobia and not wanting a spider to fall into my bushy wild hair. Hate when I see spider webs in bathrooms and I truly didn’t see any. Made for a much more relaxed experience.

7) Found many bathrooms with high stall walls: I have always hated bathroom stalls that had short metal pieces as dividers, as they afford absolutely no privacy. You might as well place the potty in the middle of the room. In Europe, I most frequently found high walls between the stalls or even some bathrooms that were individual rooms with their own lights. It kind of made me feel at home. In any case, this is just a non-hygiene observation that I wanted to share.

For those of you have stuck with me and read this blog, I want to reiterate that I am writing about the ladies rooms in Europe as a way to talk about hand washing after using the bathroom. According to the Center for Disease Control, “Keeping hands clean through improved hand hygiene is one of the most important steps we can take to avoid getting sick and spreading germs to others.” If no soap, use antibacterial cleanser, as you owe it to yourself and others! I promise that my next blog will be about the wonderful sites we visited and there will be no mention of potties!

It has been a while since I lasted posted and that is because life happens. No doubt many of you are shaking your head in understanding on that comment. Earlier this month, I attended the BlogHer ’11 conference in San Diego and had a great time talking to others about their blogs and about mine. I met mothers of teens who expressed interest in the beinggirl.com website, women with health concerns who identify with some of the issues we face due to our changing bodies while aging, and women who write about their families and businesses. To those I met, thanks for spending the time, as that above everything else made my experience rich.

While at Blogher’11, I exchanged business cards with almost 150 people. After returning home, I went to each and every site to see what others are doing. I saw a whole range from sophisticated sites with sponsors and great graphics to simple sites with interesting stories to tell. It was fascinating to see, as I usually focus on health sites that are done by professional organizations. The sites brought me into a personal place and I felt admiration for those who wrote about their most poignant experiences.

Additionally, loved the fun and crazy sites that made me laugh out loud as I identified with experiences that made me crazy at certain times in my life. What I truly appreciated is that we all share so many common experiences. Our approach and perception differs and that is what makes life so interesting.

Another aspect of Blogher ’11 that I totally enjoyed was the sponsor booths. Yep, I am still: eating deliciously smooth Lindt chocolate (see Lindt, I was listening), asking every McDonalds I buy happy meals at if they have the half french-fries and half apple meals, starting to do budget stuff on the Chase website, enjoying delicious Kudo bars that are more nutritious than I realized and sharing with my grandchildren fun toys and games from Nickelodeon that I was generously given as I passed by their display. Loved the Jimmy Dean sausage, the cookbooks and the sex toys (actually, I was surprised to see the company but everyone carried their totes around with their give-a-ways wrapped inside with tissue.). Big thanks to Yahoo for the great book on blogging. You are helping me improve! CVS, love the mini clinics that have saved me lots of time while making me healthier. Enjoying the books recommended by sassymonkey and am now a Blogher book club member. Thanks sassymonkey!!

Lastly, thank you Tampax and Always for making it possible for to attend Blogher ’11 and to P&G for giving me space in the P&G house bathroom where I could chit chat with other bloggers passing through. I stood near the Charmin potty. Actually, when no one was around, I had a photo taken of me with the Charmin Bear. My grandkids were impressed that I met the Charmin bear and I made sure they knew that the Charmin Bear always washes his hands after he uses the potty.

In ending, a big SHOUT OUT to my new friends and I am looking forward to bloging about what I enjoy most: women’s health, teens, periods and products!